So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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