Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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