wrigley field is MILF paradise
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
