I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize