I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
