My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
it glows. i had to have it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
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WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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