Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
