Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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