The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
