The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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