I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
