She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
