hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize