we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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