Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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