i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
