I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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