NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
