So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
