i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We don't watch enough power rangers
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
