i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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