Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
