i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
