well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
