does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
