sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize