His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
