Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
