My underwear smells like fireworks.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
