Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
