It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
