and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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