Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You can't motorboat a personality
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
