you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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