Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Let's get the cat blown out
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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