so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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