im having a threesome with these popsicles
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
