If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
