no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
