I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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