Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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