She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
