dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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