he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
