If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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