The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
