i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize