i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
