I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
