Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize