some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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