Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
