You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
