Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
