The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
