So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
