I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Randomize
