Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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