I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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