Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize