Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
