I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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