this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
