WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
