Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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