It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize