I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
