last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
