Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
