To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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