he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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