i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
