No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
