I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
