brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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