i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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