ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
